But, as things have turned out, it’s not to be.  First and foremost, I can’t afford one.  Not gonna lie.  I ain’t got that kind o’ money.  If I did, I probably wouldn’t be saying “it’s not for me.”  This is Reality Rick speaking.  I don’t always like Reality Rick – he can be damn confining – but he’s usually right.  Not always; I sidestep the bastard whenever I can get away with it.

These big, beautiful beasts are expensive.  Worth it, for sure, but way outa my reach.  The purchase itself would be a huge layout, but even if somebody gave me one, I couldn’t afford the ongoing drain of insurance and fuel and repairs and parking.  I’d have to find a place to park it and put down roots right there.  Yeah, if I had the cash, I would be in one.  But I don’t.  I’ll give you ‘homers an envious wave as you drive by.

I mean, just Google “motorhome interiors” and LOOK at those things!  These are Road Yachts.  I can only look for a few minutes.  I turn way too green.

I used to coach a kid in high school track whose dad owned a company called Anderson Mobile Estates.  Check these out!!  Motor Mansions!  Multi-million dollar rigs.  RJ, son of owner Ron Anderson, told me that AME did one up for A-list actor Will Smith that went for a cool $3M.  Other stars saw his crazy crib and now they have become common sights at on-location films.  Check out the photos on the AME home page -- but then come back here, k?     =)

Those things are freaking gorgeous.  Butttttt, to be honest (no, not petty, just honest), they are a little limiting, aren’t they?  You can’t park that whaleshark just anywhere.  Far end of a parking lot on the edge of town is about the best you’ll get in most urban or suburban areas.  And rotsa ruck negotiating city streets in the full-length ones. 

Long-term, large sites in campgrounds or semi-permanent pads in Mobile Home Parks are the Motorhomers’ primo domain.  You set up your satellite dish, hook up your electric and water, deploy your yard furniture and canopy and start “roughing it.”  Ha. 

Tow a Smartcar -- or an Escalade -- off the back end and do your buzz-arounds in that. 

 Gonna stay a month?  Knock yourself out.  The world is your ding-dang oyster.

 And I always loved the big ol’ steering wheel and all the switches and gadgets surrounding the driver.  Moby, one of my earlier vans, had a few light switches on a ceiling panel between the front seats.  Sometimes, I’d flick the lights on for a while, just for the thrill of flipping that rocker switch.  And just about every passenger had to try it too.  They were like bubble wrap; you could not resist.

 Oh ya, envious.  Bigtime.   Let's move on.